Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Belly Brain

Yes, the crib is in the house...no it's not out of the box...and yes, I'm ignoring it altogether.
I'm not quite sure what my malfunction is - but when my mom found out about my reaction, she laughed and laughed. She keeps calling me and saying "have you recovered yet?" and then have to wait until she's done laughing herself silly. Obviously, she's getting a huge kick out of this whole thing. She recently told me she'd never even HELD a baby before she had my brother and that just blows my mind. I mean, I know how to take care of a baby - I worked at a daycare for 4 years! I have neices coming out of my ears who I have spent hours and hours babysitting! I'm no stranger to diaper leaks and teething and crying for no reason and why there items like "peepee teepee's" that actually exist. But still - this whole baby thing weirds me out. Here my mom had no experience whatsoever and I have a feeling she probably didn't freak out when the crib showed up. I can only think it must be that whole Life Changing part that makes me frown with worry. Either that or the whole "watermelon coming out of your nostril" example that has been brought up to me on more than one occasion.

The yard is still only half weedwacked, mainly because when I was finished silencing the voices, I looked down and realized that pretty much everything I'd just hacked away at was now stuck to the front of my pants and that just gave a whole new meaning to business casual. I am now at my brother's mercy...hopefully he can fix our sick lawn mower so I can finish the job the RIGHT WAY instead of using my overgrown yard as an emotional crutch.

I have been unnaturally forgetful and clumsy lately. People around me call this "Placenta Brain"...but I prefer to avoid the word Placenta if I can help it - so in my house, it's Belly Brain.
The following occurances are evidence of this tragic condition, so I feel I must warn my family and friends or anyone who will be in my general vicinity anytime soon:

1 - I am on a constant hunt for my car keys, my cell phone, my sunglasses, and my SHOES.

2 - I have forgotten to put gas into my car on so many occassions that I'm becoming a pro at coasting into gas stations on fumes.

3 - I drop or fumble something at least twice a day...it's like I all of a sudden have the inability to actually GRASP something.

4 - My boss will sometimes ask me a question and I'll stare at him dumbfounded trying to figure out what in the hell he's talking about, and then it'll hit me like a mack truck and I'll go "OH!" and he just laughs and shakes his head.

5 - Several times a day I'll answer the phone at work and forget the name of our company - so there will be moments of "dead air" until I figure it out.

6 - I've locked myself out of my office twice.

7 - I've also gone all the way down to my car to leave for lunch or to go home and either not had my keys - or not had my purse...more times than I care to admit.

8 - I FORGOT to feed my dog.

9 - I have had mornings where I will try on clothes and I swear OVERNIGHT they suddenly don't fit and I get so frustrated about my ever-growing girth that I will stand there in my skivvies and cry. Not that I know WHY exactly I'm crying, but there it is.

10 - Last night - I had a cat fully stretched across my belly sleeping, and after a few minutes I forgot he was there and I rolled over which made him promptly slide off me and land right on top of the dog's bed, who proceeded to bark and scare my poor cat half to death. Hubs slept through the whole thing.

11 - I have gone to the store twice with the intent of getting certain items...but walked out without them. Hubs finally had to go for me so we could actually have MILK in our fridge instead of Nutter Butters in our cupboard.

12 - Yesterday, my 2 year old neice had to remind me 3 times that she'd asked for juice.

13 - I have found myself mindlessly watching the Spanish channel more than once.

14 - I have forgotten to lock the doors, close windows, turn of lights. My husband considers this a "breach of security" and ends up following me around the house before bed, checking doors and making sure I've turned off the oven before we're either murdered or burned to a crisp in our bed. I've assured him on many occasions that I'd probably be up peeing or popping Tums anyway so I could interfere, no problem.

15 - about 594281 times a day, I have to remind myself that the thumping and jumping in my belly is an actual BABY and not an alien creature that's about to burst through my stomach.

I think that about sums up the Belly Brain so far - I have a feeling it's going to get much more interesting as time goes on.

1 comment:

samantha jo campen said...

I hear ya sister! I'm not clumsy yet, but I've got the Belly Brain too.

We have a major move on the 15th--totally stressing me out. In the SAME CONVERSATION with my mother where we were talking about the move and her coming to help, she mentioned that she couldn't go somewhere on the 15th with relatives. I then asked, "Why? What do you have going on?" Then she started laughing because, duh! We're moving that day.

And the rapid belly growth thing? Out of control. My husband said it's like the doctor looked at the baby and said "Ready? GO!" and now he's off and growing at an alarming speed. Clothes choices are mighty slim 'round here for that reason :-)