Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The things I didn't know...

This time last year, I was just starting to feel the back pains of labor. I had spent over a week thinking I'd be pregnant forever, and little did I know...our little man would arrive the following evening. There is part of me that feels like I blinked, and this year has sped by at lightening speed. And yet, there's another part that can't remember what life was like without my baby boy.
I think back to being pregnant, and it's almost like a different life back then. So many things I didn't know.
-I didn't know that my heart could feel like it would burst right out of my chest everytime my son smiles at me
-I didn't appreciate how nice it was to be able to come home from work, put on my pj's, and snuggle on the couch with a book for the next few hours
-I didn't know how much FUN motherhood would be
-I didn't know how HARD motherhood would be
-I didn't know how wonderful it would be to see the father that Hubs has become
-I didn't really know what it meant to worry...or to feel emotionally exhausted because of it
-I didn't know I would actually look forward to my child waking up from naps, so we could play
-I didn't know how much I would miss sleeping in on the weekends
-I didn't know how often I would pray over my son, for his safety, and his character, and his future
-I didn't appreciate how nice it was to have a cup of coffee in the morning and be able to drink the whole thing uninterrupted
-I didn't know just how many silly things I would do just to hear my baby laugh
-I didn't know how tough having a baby would be on my marriage
-I didn't know how much closer hubs and I would become
-I didn't know how much better I would understand my own parents...and in-laws
-I didn't know that dropping my son off at someone's house would make me feel like an arm was missing
-I didn't know that despite the "missing a limb" feeling, how much I would relish some time alone
-I didn't know that my body would never be the same
-I didn't know that I would be so proud of my body for growing a PERSON...and who cares about the stretch marks or the roundness
-I didn't appreciate how I could just hop into the car and GO when I needed to go
-I didn't know how wierd it would be to look at another person and see peices of myself
-I didn't know how patient I could be
-or how IMpatient I could be
-I didn't know that I would leave the hospital thinking "seriously? I can just take him home now? but what do I DO with him?"
-I didn't know how many hours I would spend just staring at his face in complete AWE that we DID THAT
-I didn't know that I would be such an emotional wreck
-I didn't know that I could love someone I just met in a way that is indescribable
-I didn't know that it was possible to get poop on my EAR
-I didn't know about the 40/60 rule when it comes to eating. 40% goes in his mouth - 60% ends up in his lap or on the floor
-I didn't know how many times I could read the same board book over and over and over, and not mind one bit
-I didn't know how handy my dog would be for the 40/60 rule
-I didn't know how glad I would be that we waited so long to have kids...or that I was at least 30 before I had my first one
-I didn't know how much I would question wanting another kid
-I didn't know how amazing it would be to see my child learning how to do stuff
-I didn't know just how messy my house could actually get...or that I would spend so much time chasing my own tail trying to keep it clean
-I didn't know that I would miss that little thump from inside my belly...safe and protected from the outside world
-I didn't know that I would gladly take a bullet or step in front of a grizzly bear to keep my child from harm
-I didn't know how much judgement there is towards mothers and their parenting styles
-I didn't know how angry I would get about kids being ignored or abused or unloved
-I didn't know how much it would hurt to see my kid hurt
-I didn't know how much Hubs would miss us during his time at work
-I didn't know how well the right amount of caffeine and sugar could keeping me going
-I didn't know that I would be so busy I'd actually forget to drink water...or eat
-I didn't know how hard it would be to work from home and be a full time mom
-I didn't know how blessed I'd feel given the opportunity to do both
-I didn't know that this tiny little rugrat would change my life so completely in ways that I love and ways that I don't love....
It's just one big rollercoaster - up and down and all around. I have this little man, who's charming and funny and sometimes a real pain in the butt...but I love him more than life itself and I can't believe he's going to be a YEAR OLD TOMORROW!!

Hubs and I have a bottle of champagne to crack open and give ourselves a toast...we made it through the first year. A little battered...a little bruised...but with our hearts opened, our eyes widen, and our arms completely wrapped around the family we've made together.



Jeannett Gibson said...

Happy Birthday Adam!

Sweet post. So true. Isn't motherhood the most awesome, wonderful, scary, and awful thing all rolled into one??!??!!

Can I add one?

-I didn't know how sad my heart would be for people who never have children.

aron said...

love this post :) wow I can't believe how fast that year went by! I STILL remember that day very well... all the anticipation, all the emails, all the worrying, then the text the next morning from you with a pic :)

happy birthday adam and happy one year of being an amazing wonderful mother to you!

N.D. said...

Wow! so cute.. so many things! happy 1st coming up!!!

Anonymous said...

Great post! Congrats on the first year!!!

samantha jo campen said...

I agree with EVERY SINGLE THING you said. 100%.

Congratulations Mama! Oh, and AJ too :-)

Kim and Brian said...

Well said! I was almost in tears at the end..... Being a mom is amazing, and nobody can tell you just how amazing until you become one!