The things I didn't know...

This time last year, I was just starting to feel the back pains of labor. I had spent over a week thinking I'd be pregnant forever, and little did I know...our little man would arrive the following evening. There is part of me that feels like I blinked, and this year has sped by at lightening speed. And yet, there's another part that can't remember what life was like without my baby boy.
I think back to being pregnant, and it's almost like a different life back then. So many things I didn't know.
-I didn't know that my heart could feel like it would burst right out of my chest everytime my son smiles at me
-I didn't appreciate how nice it was to be able to come home from work, put on my pj's, and snuggle on the couch with a book for the next few hours
-I didn't know how much FUN motherhood would be
-I didn't know how HARD motherhood would be
-I didn't know how wonderful it would be to see the father that Hubs has become
-I didn't really know what it meant to worry...or to feel emotionally exhausted because of it
-I didn't know I would actually look forward to my child waking up from naps, so we could play
-I didn't know how much I would miss sleeping in on the weekends
-I didn't know how often I would pray over my son, for his safety, and his character, and his future
-I didn't appreciate how nice it was to have a cup of coffee in the morning and be able to drink the whole thing uninterrupted
-I didn't know just how many silly things I would do just to hear my baby laugh
-I didn't know how tough having a baby would be on my marriage
-I didn't know how much closer hubs and I would become
-I didn't know how much better I would understand my own parents...and in-laws
-I didn't know that dropping my son off at someone's house would make me feel like an arm was missing
-I didn't know that despite the "missing a limb" feeling, how much I would relish some time alone
-I didn't know that my body would never be the same
-I didn't know that I would be so proud of my body for growing a PERSON...and who cares about the stretch marks or the roundness
-I didn't appreciate how I could just hop into the car and GO when I needed to go
-I didn't know how wierd it would be to look at another person and see peices of myself
-I didn't know how patient I could be
-or how IMpatient I could be
-I didn't know that I would leave the hospital thinking "seriously? I can just take him home now? but what do I DO with him?"
-I didn't know how many hours I would spend just staring at his face in complete AWE that we DID THAT
-I didn't know that I would be such an emotional wreck
-I didn't know that I could love someone I just met in a way that is indescribable
-I didn't know that it was possible to get poop on my EAR
-I didn't know about the 40/60 rule when it comes to eating. 40% goes in his mouth - 60% ends up in his lap or on the floor
-I didn't know how many times I could read the same board book over and over and over, and not mind one bit
-I didn't know how handy my dog would be for the 40/60 rule
-I didn't know how glad I would be that we waited so long to have kids...or that I was at least 30 before I had my first one
-I didn't know how much I would question wanting another kid
-I didn't know how amazing it would be to see my child learning how to do stuff
-I didn't know just how messy my house could actually get...or that I would spend so much time chasing my own tail trying to keep it clean
-I didn't know that I would miss that little thump from inside my belly...safe and protected from the outside world
-I didn't know that I would gladly take a bullet or step in front of a grizzly bear to keep my child from harm
-I didn't know how much judgement there is towards mothers and their parenting styles
-I didn't know how angry I would get about kids being ignored or abused or unloved
-I didn't know how much it would hurt to see my kid hurt
-I didn't know how much Hubs would miss us during his time at work
-I didn't know how well the right amount of caffeine and sugar could keeping me going
-I didn't know that I would be so busy I'd actually forget to drink water...or eat
-I didn't know how hard it would be to work from home and be a full time mom
-I didn't know how blessed I'd feel given the opportunity to do both
-I didn't know that this tiny little rugrat would change my life so completely in ways that I love and ways that I don't love....
It's just one big rollercoaster - up and down and all around. I have this little man, who's charming and funny and sometimes a real pain in the butt...but I love him more than life itself and I can't believe he's going to be a YEAR OLD TOMORROW!!

Hubs and I have a bottle of champagne to crack open and give ourselves a toast...we made it through the first year. A little battered...a little bruised...but with our hearts opened, our eyes widen, and our arms completely wrapped around the family we've made together.

Cheers!