Monday, February 07, 2005

Funny Story

Prepare yourself for a good laugh...

On Friday, hubster (who shall refer to as DOUG from time to time because he SOOO reminds me of Doug Heffernen from King of Queens, same job and everything! And now that he's in that movie Hitch, and I've seen him dancing - yeah, that's the hubster...) and I went to see A.J. race a little RC car that goes really fast on an indoor track in San Luis. There is a hobby store next to the track, so I cruised around in there while waiting for the race to start - and found the PRANK section...you know, pepper gum, hand buzzers, etc. - Thinking of Sundry and her suggestion in a journal entry, I decided to purchase some of those little SNAPS! ...remember those? little paper covered exploding things that make noise and scare the crap out of people?
Anyway - it was a lazy Sunday afternoon - and I was in the living room watching taped episodes of The Apprentice (Go street smarts!) and Doug was in the den playing video games in surround sound REALLY loud, in between watching the superbowl off and on.
While I was fast-forwarding through some commercials, I noticed the box of SNAPS! sticking out of my purse. I thought about just going into the kitchen and wailing one against the wall of the den to startle Doug - but then I decided to follow Sundry's suggestion and put them under the toilet seat instead.
I positioned two on each side under those little plastic knobs so that when he sat down they would go off. I also left the lid up (which we usually keep closed because of the cats) because I was worried that they might go off if I put it down...
I waited and waited - hoping he had to take a crap SOON...
and then I heard: "SNAP! SCUFFLE! MMMMREEEEOOOOOW!!!"
oops...

I ran into the bathroom to find Tweak looking bewildered and half covered in toilet water. It seems he had jumped onto the toilet to get to the sink...only to discover that I, the MEANEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD had left the lid up and booby trapped the toilet.

I had to TRULY work hard at laughing quietly because unbelievably - Doug didn't hear a darn thing (I told you he listens to it loud) and so of course, I had to booby trap the commode once again..giggling to myself the entire time...and trying to dry off and console my now stressed out cat. This time, I closed the bathroom doors (yes, we have TWO bathroom doors..strange, I know) to avoid any more cats in need of prozac...

I went back in to watch TV, and about 30 minutes later, Doug FINALLY went into the bathroom. I quickly huddled myself next to the door and covered my mouth to keep myself quiet, Only to hear him PEEING. DARNIT! NO crapping!
I heard him bang down the toilet lid...and SNAP! one of them went off....I thought the plan was foiled - but NAY...he just walked out of the bathroom like nothing happened...

SONUVA...

So after he settled back in with his game - I went and RESET the booby trap AGAIN.
And two hours later, he again went into the bathroom...to BLOW HIS FRIGGIN NOSE. (I swear the ONE time I want him to do his business...) He again, put the lid of the toilet down ( I know, good boy) but this time he HEARD it SNAP! and while I'm standing in the kitchen shaking my fists and going "dammit!" - He goes "what the heck?"
and finds my booby trap...

He slowly walks into the kitchen while I'm standing there smiling and he goes "oh girl, it's ON NOW! I can't believe you actually attempted to do that to me! That woulda scared the crap out of me!"
yeah, if only he actually would CRAP...sheesh

So I laughed and told him about the cat incident and about the second time when he put the lid down. He goes "oh - well I heard the snap, but I figured I'd broken the seat or something"
and I said "SO YOU WALKED OUT AND IGNORED IT???"
"umm, yeah" he says...looking sheepish...

(Those who know us well should be reminded of the "Bamboo Stool Incident" at this moment...I will explain later...)

So anyway, we got a good laugh out of it - and being that Doug has a big mouth, he HAD to call my parents and immediately tell them what a stinker I am.

It was truly probably one of their proudest moments - especially for Dad..hee!

1 comment:

Amanda said...

What a freakin riot!
You should wait a day or two and try again - just when his guard starts to come down.