Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Birthing Class Stories - Episode 2

Allrighty - so it took me some time to absorb the last class we attended. Let's just say that when I walked out of there, and climbed into my car - I drove the entire way home with my hands clenched on the steering wheel and tears in my eyes because DUUUUDE, my fears are NOT being calmed by what I saw that night.
Upon entering the class, we sat down and the instructor handed us blocks of blue ice and a couple of clothespins. She then told us that these items would be used to mimic pain, and we'd be experimenting with different ways for us to divert our attention from the pain. We started with simple breathing for one minute, then the husbands or coaches were supposed to massage us to help us relax. Hubs was standing behind me rubbing my shoulders and then moved onto my cheeks (no not those cheeks), at one point I opened my eyes and glared at him because it was giving me the chubby face thing, and not relaxing at all. After the minute was up - our instructor went around the room and asked everyone how the massage was and I made a snarky comment about hubby's technique which brought on a round of "awwww, poor hubby's" from the class. The thing is - he KNOWS my lower back is where it's at, so during the next round, he got it right and I was able to close my eyes and breath myself into another place to avoid thinking about the pain of holding that damn block of ice. She added music at one point...and a focal movie of some sort, but I seem to do better when I have my eyes closed and I can just go elsewhere in my own head.
She had us try different positions to see what was more comfortable, and by the time the first half of the class was over - I was super relaxed, albeit with a nearly frostbitten hand. Kinda cool to learn tools to help through that kind of stuff right?

So during the second half of class - she talked all about the different stages of labor and then put in a movie. The first part of the movie was fine - just a bunch of women laboring at different stages and you'd see a boob or two, but nothing real up close and fact it seemed as if they were going out of their way to keep certain areas out of the camera's way. That is until WHAM - we were suddenly hit with an up close and personal view of a very hairy baby head being pushed out of a very hairy area. DUDE - I flinched and hubs was like whooooaa - I mean come about a little warning people??? It freaked me right the hell out....and it just continued, shot after shot of different people pushing out these massive baby heads. I've never SEEN so many vaginas all at once...much less in the "state" they were in, you know?
Here's the thing I don't get - I'M not going to be 2 inches away from my own self while I'm giving birth...and hubs sure as hell isn't going to want to get that close - so why oh why do we have to see such a thing THAT CLOSE on a big screen? why? I don't get it! There's a difference between seeing a woman in labor pushing out a baby - and seeing just a big giant VAJ right up there all stretched a slobbery saint bernard trying to squeeze itself through a doggie door.
And THEN - if that wasn't enough to freak us out - they get up close and personal with the placenta and all that fun afterbirth stuff too. Seriously, there were parts I just couldn't watch...
The instructor turned all the bright lights back on and everyone in the room was pretty pale and subdued trying to actually absorb what we all just saw. Hubs looked at me and said "my God, I'm so sorry I did this to you...are you okay? how are you feeling right now?"
I looked at him and said "hmmm, well - you remember how relaxed I was during the first part of class?"
and he said "yeah"
and I said "well I'm kinda wished we'd done that AFTER the video because right now? I'm pretty f*&%ing TENSE!"

It was time to leave immediately after the video and we walked out of there in a daze...wishing for yanked off baby heads, blue socks and fake pelvises instead of the major dose of reality that we'd just experienced.

Please GAWD tell me we won't have to watch a c-section video??? please????

We missed last night's class because hubs was under the weather (and to be completely honest, I think we both weren't ready to face a new video yet) - but I did call the instructor to find out what we'd be covering. Unfortunately, we missed the epidural video...which is like the ONE THING I actually want to see! hahaha - but she's going to loan it to me, so we can get caught up.
Our instructor certainly is wacky - but I kinda like her...she's all over the place and unorganized and she cusses when she's flustered...which cracks me up. I think I'll email her and ask if she's got any oddball advice for this whole breech situation.
In the meantime, I'm knee-deep in midwife message boards, to see what sort of ideas I can find for trying to turn this baby on my own. One of the first things I read was that I should seriously bone up on my water intake because the more fluid in me the gives the baby more space to move. I didn't even think about the fact that I could be dehydrated - but it definately is a possibility because I certainly feel like I'm drinking more than I'm peeing. It makes sense though - medically speaking, so I'm guzzling H20 like a champ over here to see if that helps any.
I have to make a list of all the different suggestions because I'm sure you all will get a kick out of some of the stuff I've read!


April said...

This post cracked me up! I totally laughed out loud through the whole thing! My advice is not to stress about the labor. No ice holding or pinching can prepare you for the real thing anyway. Try not to freak yourself out. sister in law was frank breech and delivered by c-section. My husband was a natural birth and my mother in law always says that given a choice she would pick the c-section every time. Either way it's one day of your life and totally worth the prize that you get!

Kelly said...

Really... it will be okay. As much as the labor and delivery suck, it will end. Just keep that in mind. Drugs will help ease your anxiety, I'm sure. I loved the saint bernard analogy. So true. You'll really forget about the pain of the delivery as soon as you see your beautiful baby. Which, btw, my guess is it's going to be a boy.